An Offer I Had to Refuse

If you have any kind of an online presence, at some point you'll receive a pitiful piece of communication resembling the following.

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To Whom it May Concern,

I'm the affiliate manager for JoeDate.com, the Internet's newest Online Dating Website. We have just launched our new Affiliate Program and we are offering our affiliate partners a very generous 50% commission on all referred sales. This is the highest paying affiliate program of any dating website on the internet! Because our site is so affordable (lifetime memberships are only $49.95) the conversion rate for our membership is very high.

If you would consider partnering with us to promote our site please take a moment to visit the following url to select various banners and text links that can be used for promotion.

http://www.joedate.com/affiliates.php

Partnering with us is a great way to earn an extra revenue stream from your website and you can easily track your daily traffic and sales stats from your affiliate control panel.

If you have any questions about our affiliate program or our website, feel free to contact me anytime to discuss. We can also give you some promotion tips if you want to make the most possible sales from promoting our website.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,

Affiliate Manager

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Memo to Mr. Total Turnoff: Thanks, but no thanks. Your sad salutation lets me know you didn't bother to read this before you found my email address and polluted my inbox. I may be mild-to-moderately broke, but I sure as hell ain't desperate. 

As such, it is with much delight that I say this (in my best Suze Orman voice):

You have been DEEEENIED!

Thank you Kindly,

Management.