Unproductive and Proud of It

I woke up yesterday at 6:30am with a stomach virus. My initial thought was, "I have too much to do - I can't get sick."

After hurling in the bushes on the way to take The Girl to school, I realized this was how my day was going to go. The beautifully landscaped school grounds were replaced by my cold bathroom toilet. Instead of putting up a fight, I allowed the puke gods to win and retreated to bed.

Even though I don't get paid sick leave and vacations are a fairytale, I was grateful for being in this position. I didn't have to drag myself into work sick or deal with a demanding boss giving me a guilt trip for not coming in. I've been in those situations and there's not a paycheck in the world big enough to make me want to go back. If push comes to shove and I have to punch another clock, it'll be one with little to no expectations - I'll be so far off the radar it ain't funny.

Corporate America conditions us to believe that working long hours and sacrificing family defines your value as an employee. The more you show up for the company (neglecting yourself in the process), the more you're rewarded. One of the most valuable lessons a manager taught me was to take time off when I needed it. Anybody can be present, but it takes effort, energy, and focus to be productive.

STIR-TRY: Pickle Noodle Stuff

I've been going back and forth with the idea of doing this and my virtual friend and fellow Forbes blogger, Adrienne Graham, challenged us on Facebook to do something new today. Well...this is my something new.

Publishing a cookbook is on the list of things I'd like to accomplish in life. My problem is that I cook like my mama (and all the other mama's who shared their kitchens with me) and I never measure anything. Turns out, Sharon cooks the same way. FYI...I know this because I pour my heart out to my Facebook fans and they in turn do the same.

When I told Jackie about my cookbook dilemma she suggested I write my recipes the same way I tell people how to prepare them. I get phone calls all the time from my sisters and friends asking, "What do you put in your _____? How much _____ do I put in my _____? How long do you cook yours for?"

My neighbor friend Amy shared this recipe with me and when she did, she didn't give me any measurements - she just kept on saying, "You only need 4 ingredients!". When I asked what it was called, she responded the way only Amy can and said, "It doesn't have a name, my mom just makes it for us."

The Girl requested this last week and I made it on Monday. Thanks to her, it now has a name and here's how you can fix your own if you dare try:

PICKLE NOODLE STUFF

Stuff You'll Need:

1 box of pasta

small can of chopped black olives

some real mayo

pickles

What You Do To/With the Stuff:

Cook the pasta like the box tells you to.

Cut up the pickles (note: Great Value Dill Spears turn your fingernails a pickley color).

If you like alot of olives, put that much in there. If you like just a little, put that amount. Same goes for the mayo and pickles.

Put all the stuff in a bowl. I suggest you use a bowl that's also a serving dish/

 container with a lid so you don't have so many dishes to wash.

Stir your stuff up and taste it. Like it? Leave it alone. Don't like it? Add some stuff accordingly.

Eat and refrigerate.

Optional Stuff I Added To Mine:

onion powder

garlic powder

dried parsley

paprika

I added paprika on top because my mama says food is supposed to have color.

Let me know what you think and I'll let you know if I'm gonna share more Stir-Tries.

In the meantime, if you want to see a real bona fide food blog complete with pretty pictures, go over to Jamie Is At Home. She's my neighbor friend too, and Amy's sister, but they aren't twins.



3 Things I Didn't Do To Increase Blog Traffic

Have you ever read an article written by a blogger who gets tons of traffic to their site and in the article they're telling you how they did it? And then you look at your own stats and walk away feeling like it'll take years to grow your audience?

Sometimes it's hard as a newbie blogger to put yourself in their shoes. You can't relate to someone telling you they went from 10,000 pageviews to 30,000 when you're struggling to reach 100 on a daily basis.

If this describes you, my latest post for The Work at Home Woman should encourage you to keep writing:

3 Things I Didn't Do To Increase Blog Traffic

Life Beyond Lent

This sign represents what I gave up for Lent. I haven't had beef in 1 month and 15 days. However, it only took 20 minutes to realize my spiritual constitution wasn't quite strong enough to loose me of bacon. Perhaps I shall try again next year.

Over the past 46 days, I've acquired a taste for veggie sausage and have grown to love chicken even more (had no idea this was possible). As a result, I've decided to prolong my desire to chow down on a highly seasoned steak. That'll be a great birthday present to myself at the end of June. 

You can either proactively make decisions or be forced into doing so.

Eating less red meat was a decision. Choosing to pursue my dreams while the odds are stacked against me is a decision. On a daily basis, I choose to live life beyond my circumstances.

What choices will you make? Will you decide to push yourself beyond perceived limitations or will you choose to make excuses?

photo: daveandlolo

Today's Video: Time Management is a Time Waster

Have you been brainwashed into believing that time management is the cure for being overwhelmed? Sorry. That's a lie. 

 

There's one important thing you gotta have and if you lack it, all the time management techniques in the world won't keep you from failing:

If you can't see the video CLICK HERE.

The Reality of Being A Hero

Not all of my blog readers leave comments. Some email me directly.

One of my subscribers sent me this:

You are my written hero. I love it how you are direct and so expressive in your blogs. You go girl!!!

Hope you find the perfect PR person soon.

She sent it in response to this.

I've been called alot of flattering things, but "written hero" is a first. Thank you.

I don't think my mama or sisters ever told me when I was a little girl that it was impossible for me to become The Bionic Woman. She was my hero. As I watched this clip, I reflected on how she was just a normal looking person. No costumes, capes, or color changes (remember the Incredible Hulk?!). You didn't know her strengths and powers until she revealed them and from what I remember, she was always using her supernatural abilities to help others.

THE REALITY OF BEING A HERO

I'm sure The Bionic Woman had just as many critics as she did fans. In the 70s, there just weren't any blogs and social networking sites for pundits to broadcast their less than favorable opinions about her.

I exist in a different age. One where folks have free reign to tell me what they think - both good and bad.

One day someone will feel the need to let me know how much they despise me. When that day comes, I'll openly share it with you too. 

photo: CatPats

10 Tips for a Root Canal Virgin

Preparing for The First Time

       1. Get a good night's sleep so you'll have energy to get the house in order. This is the only way you can assess the damage done while you were having a Charlie Sheen type moment - high on legally administered and prescribed drugs.

    2.  Shampoo and undo the uncomfortable professional hairdo you've been sporting the past week. There's a time and place for weaves. This ain't it.

      3. Eat everything you can get your hands on. Your brain will be sending signals that this could be 'The Last Supper'. By 9:59 a.m. CST, I'd consumed fried fish & shrimp, 3 cups of Folgers instant, a Special K bar, trail mix, turkey & cheese sandwich, and a glass of stale wine (I threw the wine in because I'll be on another round of antibiotics due to a stalker-like sinus infection).

Please Note: I lost my ENT virginity earlier this week when my nose was penetrated. The scope revealed a deviated right septum accompanied by a polypy nasal something-or-another.

       4.  Strategically pick your outfit. Opt for the velour drawstring Old Navy bottoms instead of snap front cargo pants. This will greatly reduce the risk of a sudden onset of flatulence as a result of all the shit you ate. Wear your these-may-cover-my-whole-entire-ass-but-I'm-sexy-on-the-inside panties. Thongs and dental chairs don't mix.

       5.  Tell your Facebook friends and fans about the big day. They can't wait to chime in with their own stories.

        6.  Get your self-employed BFF to chauffeur you. If you don't have one, I strongly suggest you befriend one ASAP. They come in handy during times like these.

         7.  Leave a detailed checklist for Baby Daddy/Hubby/Spouse Equivalent. While he may have done an awesome job the past ___ years, chances are, today is the day he's likely to get amnesia.

         8.  Pray to God the legally administered and prescribed drugs don't double as a truth serum. This may not be the best time for Baby Daddy/Hubby/Spouse Equivalent to find out you have a mild-to-moderate crush on your dentist. In the unfortunate event you do end up sharing your fantasies, blame it on the legally administered and prescribed drugs.

         9.  Do not allow any kind of video recording devices in the room. Adult versions of 'David after Dentist' aren't cute and sure as hell won't go viral.

       10.  To avoid being screwed in the mouth like this again, protect and pamper your mouth the same way you do your vagina. The price you pay for dental promiscuity (or lack thereof) is a bitch.

photo: MCalatayud

Email Confession: I Hit Rock Bottom

"Dear Donna,

I went to your website, and just wanted to tell you I love what you've done!

I have been out of work since December 2007. I was not eligible for unemployment because I worked as an independent contractor at my previous position. Since then I started organizing events and went back to what I know to earn some sort of income. Everything has been slowing going downhill for the past 2 years. I hit rock bottom about a month ago.

I moved to Denver from San Diego for a job that I landed by doing an event there in January. The job has yet to start, and since I have no money coming in, despite so much work, and no where to live I am now in Austin.

I want to really maximize my time here, and rebuild my life. I've lost my car, my home, and to some degree a bit of pride. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. I most definitely needed a wake up call and needed to ask for help.

Anyway, you and I will chat soon, and I look forward to meeting you sometime soon...thank you for everything you're doing, it is truly an inspiration!"


WHAT I KNOW ABOUT ROCK BOTTOM:

• Once you get there, the only way you can go is up - if you so choose. Some decide to stay there and make excuses and others will use it as motivation to claw and scratch their way back up.

• You can get the material stuff back. To date, I've lost 2.5 cars and one house. Don't lose your character or determination. I haven't.

• There are millions of other people in the same situation. Someone is reading this right now wishing they had the strength to share their story. I hope they've been inspired to do so.

You're Fired

About three weeks ago I reached out to a local PR firm. I was referred by a fellow blogger and was thrilled with the results they'd gotten her. Plus, I like to do local business whenever possible.

Within minutes of sending an email to inquire about an initial consultation, I got an immediate response letting me know it was free and would entail finding out about my goals and discussing the media opportunities I've managed to secure on my own.

Things were off to a great start. Seemed like it was gonna be a good fit.

I told him to let me know a time/date convenient for him so we could get together.

UPDATE: I've not heard a word since then.

The part of me that sometimes reads too much into things assumed he saw this and concluded I couldn't afford him.

Memo to Potential-Almost PR Rep: Please know this isn't the case at all. I had no intentions of getting your services for free or bartaring or anything of the sort. I appreciate you posting your hourly rate on your website, and as such, I was prepared to pay you accordingly. Since it took you so long to get back with me, I'm no longer interested in working with you UNLESS you had a life or death situation that prevented you from following up. It's business. Not personal.

The position shall remain open until filled. If you know someone who may be interested, feel free to send em my way. Serious candidates only.

Thank you Kindly,

Management.

photo: lawgeek

Caution: This Video Contains the F-word

No matter how hard you try, have you struggled to get F*** out of your vocabulary?
Watch as I give you 3 simple tips to help you eliminate it for good...or at least, use it less often.

If you can't see the video CLICK HERE

Root Canal or Cosmetic Surgery?

Candid Confession #1: I don't own one of these...at least not yet.

I hadn't been to the dentist since 2008. And before you jump the gun and call me 'Yuck Mouth', Dr. Gupta commended me on my flossing skills last week. I religiously use Crest Pro-Health Toothpaste (as a result, my sisters have started using it too) and I'm armed with floss at all times.

ROUTINE MAINTENANCE

I'm sure you've heard stories of cash-strapped families having to choose between buying groceries or paying for prescription medication and vice versa. Since my last experience with Castle Dental was not only a nightmare, but also a rip-off, the decision to put off seeing a dentist was an easy one to make.

End Result: I need a $747.50 root canal.

Happy Ending: Thanks to Baby Daddy's flexpay spending account, I'm getting it done.

What does the above pictured Booty Pop have to do with all this?!

Candid Confession #2: The excruciating pain I'm having has ceased all fantasies of a $6,000 butt augmentation. I'd rather wear one of these hideous contraptions than subject myself to removing and soaking my teeth by age 40.

photo: Bob B. Brown

Pseudo-Celebrities Need Not Apply

I'm adamant about knowing the true meaning of words before I use them. I tried not to, but yes - I looked up the meaning of adamant.

It's my mama's fault. Anytime I asked the definition of a word she told me to, "go see Webster". Depending on the situation, she'd take it a step further and force me to pull out an encyclopedia.

My relationship with Webster today is just as strong as it was back then. I've ditched Britannica for Google, but sometimes invite thefreedictionary.com to participate in a threesome.

And while I get really turned on by all of them, there are instances when I simply want to satisfy my own needs. I want to do me.

I've never looked up the meaning of success in any dictionary. I insist every person define that word for themselves. I didn't realize until today that I have the same philosophy regarding the word famous and have either directly or indirectly instilled it in my teenage daughter.

The Girl sent me this text today:

"We are doing a project over entrepreneurs and I asked my teacher if I could do the PowerPoint over you and I showed her your website and she said no. /: then she asked what you did and I told her to go do her research lol. She said I can't do you because it has to be someone famous, I said she is. She be all on the news programs lol." 

 Alrighty then. I'm certain if you flip to the word famous in the dictionary you won't find a picture of me. But apparently, in The Girl's edition I'm listed (thank you baby!).

Aren't teachers, politicians, and the rest of society constantly barking at parents to stop shoving "famous" people in front of our kids as examples of role models? But when they do, they're met with, "I'm sorry. For this intent and purpose your 'almost famous' mama doesn't count".

What the hell?!

If I sincerely believed this would have a long-term negative impact on my child, I'd give the teacher the opportunity to tell me to my face my baby girl shouldn't think so highly of me. In essence, that's exactly what she's saying. "It's really nice you think being on the local news makes your mama famous, but until she's on TMZ, Dancing With The Stars, or The View - go sit down!"

I'm not the least bit angry. I'm smiling from ear to ear, beaming from the inside out. Elated that my daughter not only has a mind and opinion of her own, but more importantly, she isn't afraid to share it.

Wonder where she gets that from??

  

photo: bbrotherblog