Why I Won't Be Your Facebook Friend

While making my blogging rounds, I came across an interesting post from Denise over at Nurturing Creativity. Title: Why I Axed Facebook. She starts off saying how she'd been wrestling with the decision for quite some time. 

Yours truly has gone back and forth with doing the same. 

And while I decided not to divorce Facebook completely, I did make the decision to reevaluate my friends. 

When I first joined FB (in December 2010 I think) I dove in with the, "I'm gonna use it for business...to market and get clients" mindset. Let me tell ya. THAT didn't last long at all. One would think my awful beginner experience on twitter had taught me a lesson. Everyone assured me FB was different...it's not like twitter. And in some ways - they're polar opposites. In others - they're identical.

I found myself pretty much accepting any and every friend request that came my way. Except for the obvious creepy ones. If me and the person had a few mutual friends, they were in. 

As I started to use FB for more of a personal communication platform, I realized I didn't want total strangers in the mix. Going in and unfriending those people wasn't hard at all. I didn't know them in the first place. We were by no means friends. I went from over 500 to a little over 300 in no time. As of right now, I'm at 325. I exed two more folks today. 

For some strange reason, I was trying to get down to a certain number. The exact opposite of what most people do. I was trying to convince myself that a smaller number meant the remaining friends were more meaningful. Mirroring how it typically happens in real life. FYI: I don't know anyone walking around with 3,718 friends. 

So what's my approach? 

Instead of looking at the number, I look at the level of interaction. If I'm talking to you and you're talking to me, then obviously we enjoy each other's conversation. Are we really friends?! Probably not. 

Why didn't I do this in the first place? Well I'll tell you why. Because whether you want to believe it or not - all social media platforms are based on numbers. The more the better. Without even realizing it, you fall victim to believing this is the right way to go about it, knowing good and well it ain't. 

If we haven't "spoken" to each other in months, clearly we aren't friends. If the last conversation we had was you wishing me happy birthday last year - no mi amigo. 

If you have all of your stuff auto-synced and never respond to anything I say, I don't want to be your friend. When I stop by and say hello, and you come back with something that gives you the opportunity to promote your service or product..yep...no friendship here. 

I may not be doing it the right way, but I am doing it MY way. And when it comes to me managing my online relationships - my way is the only way that matters. 

Warning: Abnormal Blogger Ahead

I had a birthday last week and you know what that means. A gazillion happy birthday wishes via Facebook. I make it a point to read and say thank you to every single one.

As I was scrolling through, there were a few that stuck out and made me laugh. In particular, the one from my friend Shonika. She included every possible thing she knew about me when outlining how I should celebrate. 

On the list: hot wings, martinis, and a gift card to a discount shopping store. 

How could someone I've only met in real life one time know so much about me? Occasionally we talk business on the phone, but is it normal for someone to know your favorite food and drink AND shopping habits merely from having an online relationship with you?!

It is if that's the kind of stuff you share - publicly without shame. 

At first, I hid behind a boring "professional" personality. Think 'corporate America online profile' filled with fancy jargon that doesn't mean jack to the rest of the world. I was that. I mean, that's still a part of who I am and always will be, but the truth of the matter is - there's so much more to Miss Donna. 

When I started talking about other things - the fun stuff, my likes, pet peeves, and dreams - that's when my blogging voice come alive. It was at that point I started to get emails and comments from readers sharing their stories as a result of me opening up. Richer relationships developed. I felt like my writing  was more meaningful. Its purpose went beyond pageviews.

You aren't perfect. You remind yourself every time you point to your flaws. 

Instead of looking down on yourself, allow your imperfections to work to your advantage.

I incorporate all of the weird, nerdy, "not normal" habits and hang-ups my family complains about into a memorable and relatable brand. 

I'm self-diagnosed with mild-to-moderate OCD and proud of it dammit! My blogging and coffee addictions don't need an intervention. If I'd rather watch reruns on CNBC instead of going bowling - don't knock it! 

Boldly embrace all of you. Own your authentic self - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I'm late to the party. Tea invited me to her Word Carnival ages ago, so when I needed a topic to write about today, I knew just where to go for inspiration.

Stairway to Success - PERSISTENCE

This is the third post in the Stairway to Success series.

CLICK HERE to see my thoughts on Ambition, which will then take you to the quote that started it all. 

PERSISTENCE

(n) - the act or quality of being persistent

PERSISTENT

(adj) - refusing to give up or let go; persevering obstinately

Anyone who has ever won at anything will tell you they couldn't have done it without the existence of this word.

Those who end up on the losing end, in most cases, didn't have the endurance to stay the course. 

I could've given up on a number of things a long time ago -specifically, my entrepreneurial dreams - but I chose not to. Continuing to forge ahead isn't about the action itself. It's about making the decision to do so. 

There are two sides of the persistent coin. The good and the bad. We sometimes only focus on the positive connotation of the word. Neglecting to look at the things we should give up. Those which prevent us from taking the next step up the stairs of success. 

Blaming our circumstances, wallowing in self-pity, and nurturing toxic relationships to name a few. For some, these things are constantly in the picture. A staple of one's daily life.

Persistently pulling you in the opposite direction you desire to go.

Going Out Of Business

There's a locally owned coffee shop I would go to at least once a week if it were closer to Headquarters. I've asked the owner on more than one occasion to open a store in my neighborhood. That's how much I enjoy his place. I'd choose it over The Crackhouse on any given day. 

The owner and I collaborated on a project and shared the spotlight for my first ever live tv interview. Something I'll never forget. 

In March 2012, he announced the closing of one of his stores. Publicly. He sent the information out to his blog subscribers (BTW: his blog is sent via newsletter, which isn't anything at all like the typical newsletter). The outpouring of support was unbelievable. That's what happens when business owners take the time to connect with their customers. On an emotional level. 

His latest update landed in my inbox last week. The subject line: Will Kick Butt Close Its Doors?

Thomas always crafts clever headlines to get you to open his stuff and I was praying this was another of those instances. After reading, I realized it wasn't. He shared that although sales at his existing location rose by 20% after closing the other location, Kick Butt Coffee still isn't profitable. 

If you've been following my blog, you know I'm no stranger to financial struggles. Some will criticize Thomas and I for airing our dirty laundry and others will admire our honesty. 

If people don't know what's wrong, they can't do anything to help make things right. When Thomas posted the news on Facebook, feedback and suggestions started flying all over the place. If we, his customers, want his doors to remain open - we have to know what's going on so we can do our part to keep him in business. I started brainstorming last night on ways to make that happen. 

Thomas can't sit around waiting for his caffeinated cohorts to spring into action. He has to do his part. And that he did by calling on his mentor. That's something I still haven't found. The right person - who's accessible  - who not only understands my vision and goals, but has accomplished them his/herself. 

Will Kick Butt be around for another five years? Will I finally get that big media break I've been looking for? 

I'm no fortune teller, but I believe a breakthrough is on the way...for Thomas and I both. I can feel it. 

Click here to read Kick Butt's story.

We Met, We Ate, We Blogged About It

One of the goals I have with social media is to actually meet as many of my online buddies in real life as I possibly can. 

There was the time when I flew to San Francisco and stayed with a total stranger - who I met on twitter. And then the other time when I invited a total stranger to come stay with me - who I met on twitter. And then Shonika came to Austin from D.C. and we got to meet in person after developing a close friendship - yeah, you guessed it - on twitter. 

Last month, Lynn Asummermoon Davis hit me up on Facebook and told me she was coming to town. I was really excited about this one!

Lynn and I have been online buddies since she stumbled across one of my guest posts in 2010 over at The Work at Home Woman. We've been reading each other's blogs, tweeting, and emailing since then. She's one of those kind of people who has the ability to make you smile just by reading her status updates. Always positive. Always encouraging. 

She's doing an awesome job of growing her social media business, A&D Media, which caters to small businesses and non-profit organizations. The fact that she dreams of even bigger things than she's doing now is contagiously inspirational. The few hours we spent together weren't enough. I invited myself to her place in Jersey so we can pick up where we left off here. 

After we consumed more food than we probably should have, we walked away feeling blessed to have had the opportunity to be in each other's presence. 

And did I tell you this was her first time flying?! 

I'm looking forward to our next encounter...on the east coast!