October is The Devil

Dear October 2011,

I need for you to get the hell outta my life ASAP! Yes, I know you're gonna show up like clock-work, but was it really necessary for you to be such a bitch this time around?!

It started with the pitiful blog stats you threw at me. Like really...85 pageviews per day?? Give me a damn break!

When you saw that was starting to consume me, you did what you thought was the right thing by pushing my elderly mama down while she was trying to plug in her candle warmer.

NEVER again do I want to be responsible for a 73 year old woman set in her ways who refuses any kind of help and turns extremely vicious when you take away her nicotine! It's not a pretty sight. Trust me.

But ooohhhh noooooo...you didn't stop there. You had to go and do this:

no caption needed. his body language speaks for itself.

You see that look up there on his face? That's the look of a kid who's pissed off at October!

leaving after-hours doctor visit. nurse not included.

Did you miss the memo that The Boy plays FLAG football?! A low-to-no contact sport?! You were considerate enough though to break his right tibia on the same day his Granny had surgery on hers.

And as a result, I'm waaaayyyy too familiar with the orthopedic procedure known as 'open fixation internal reduction'.

A fancy way of saying, "You're getting Propofal while we cut you open and stick screws in your broken bones".

Which brings us to this:

pre-surgery. post-crying episode.

You know good and damn well I had no intentions of ever going public with Baby Daddy! His role is behind the scenes. Paying bills and other duties as assigned. Your tactic to get us photographed together was evil!

The look on his face says, "Yippee! She finally put my pic on her blog!"

Mine says, "Don't let the fake grin fool ya...I'm still bustin' a cap in October's ass when this is all over with!"

The poor kid has no idea what's going on. Look at his eyes. He's feeling kinda Charlie Sheen-ish thanks to the pre-Propofal cocktail the nice nurse lady gave him. Winning!

I'm convinced October is really 'Satan on a Calendar'. Halloween has been abolished up in here.

we need to work on his non-verbal communication.

No. That's not the on-call physician making his rounds. That's the private bedside entertainment provided by Dell Children's Medical Center.

Note to Aetna Insurance: If above mentioned entertainment isn't covered by you, please remember to bill Baby Daddy accordingly.

After day-surgery that turned into an overnight hospital stay, you sent us home. With a wheelchair, crutches, and codeine (the urinal Baby Daddy walked out with, as if it were some kind of a trophy, is irrelevant.)

The look on The Boy's face was priceless when he got home and saw these:

the infamous biceps he asked the physical therapist to measure.

If I have anything to do with it, those will be the only footballs he ever holds again for the rest of his life.