Starting from the End

I tried several times to maneuver my way through this maze. Just like I tried to maneuver through my day on Wednesday.

It happens from time to time. I lose focus. I'll have my list of  to-do's for the day which sometimes morphs into a week's worth of tasks, but somehow I get off track. 

It all started with an email from a sender promoting her event and somehow that same sender totally forgot  I was a speaker and never bothered to ask me to speak at the event. She just remembered she had my email address when she included me on the mass blind-copied solicitation. This is just one example of the kind of stuff that can get in your head and stay there and turn into those little negative voices I warn you about. Brain spam. That's a pretty good name for it. You didn't consciously subscribe to it, but it finds you nonetheless.

SECOND THOUGHTS

We all have them. I started several times to delete what I said above about the invite. But here's the reason why I didn't: I'd be erasing the truth. At least on the surface. You wouldn't have been none the wiser about the situation, but it still would've been very much a part of my true feelings. The areas of my life that I really have a grasp on are the ones where I'm completely honest about how I feel (FYI...honesty is sometimes polar opposite of pretty and positive). That doesn't mean I don't have moments of doubt, I just don't lie about it when I do.

REFLECTION

The only way I can get beyond whatever it is that's bothering me is to take a step back and look at myself. What role did I play? What is it costing me to be in this place? What's the big picture?

VENTING

My version of this is sending a one sentence email - typed in all CAPS as I bang the hell outta the keyboard - to my trusted friend who knows all too well how I feel, but would never respond in a negative way to perpetuate things. Neither one of us believes in having pity parties so after I hit send, she'll share a similar story and then forward me encouraging and funny messages for the rest of the day.

STARTING OVER

When I first looked at the homemade maze in the photo, I couldn't figure out how to get from start to finish. I kept bumping into curlies and squigglies, but never got to the end. As not to be defeated, I placed my finger at 'Finish' and successfully navigated my way to 'Start' on the first try. I tend to lose focus when I fail to look at  things from a number of different perspectives. Tunnel vision has that effect on you. By the end of the day on Wednesday, I'd found my internal 'Reset' button. Not by myself though. I talked to two other confidants and with their help, clarity showed up. And of all the things I did, I remembered the goals I'd set for this year. How stupid of me for forgetting in the first place because they center around three simple words. These words are posted right above my vision board now, where they should've been all along. Had I been doing my part and paying more attention to these words, I probably would've been one of the first people to pop into the email sender's mind when she started working on her event.

When I look at them from now on, not only will I be reminded of where I'm going, I can't help but reflect on the situation that lead to them being there in the first place. I do believe your past can help form better habits, healthier habits to better shape your future.

photo: randomstring