Are Lies Holding You Back?: A Post for The Work at Home Woman

Are self-defeating thoughts and actions preventing you from being your best?
Have you conditioned yourself to believe you'll never get ahead and enjoy the life you deserve?

Take a look at my recent post for The Work at Home Woman and see if this describes you or someone you know:

6 Lies You Must Stop Telling Yourself

Some Terms & Conditions Don't Vary

Whether you're self-employed or work for the man, I'm sure you can relate to dreadful, unproductive, pointless meetings. This has got to be at the top of the all-time greatest time wasters list, at least in my book anyway.

When I launched my 2011 Action & Accountability Network, I knew I wanted to do a few things differently this year. One of which was getting together in person every week. The personal interaction is great, but it was extremely time consuming. Remember, you're not just spending time at the meeting. You have to take into consideration the amount of time it takes preparing to get to your destination; figuring out what to wear, getting dressed, driving there, stopping at the coffee shop, etc. A 90 minute meeting can easily turn into a 3.5 hour process.

One thing I've learned along my entrepreneurial journey is the value of my time. No more neglecting it, passing it out like it has a never ending supply, or giving it to people who don't appreciate it for the precious resource it really is.

MEET ME WHERE I AM

How many times have you heard this marketing message? Meet your customer where they are.  How many times have you done the exact opposite? Twisted someone's arm to get them where YOU wanted them to be.

I experienced this when a woman reached out to me interested in joining the Action & Accountability Network. In the follow-up message to prospective members, I clearly state if you're interested in finding out more information about the group, the next step is to schedule a phone interview.

Wait...let me clarify a couple of things before I continue:

1. The "woman" in question is no stranger. We know each other. We've met in person multiple times, have had phone conversations, and have attended an event or two together.
2. My 2011 network is exclusive. Not everyone can join. There's a reason for the phone interview process - to save time on the front end by weeding folks out.

I'll assume full responsibility if said follow-up message is a bit foggy. I personally don't think it is, but why else would "woman" respond with a request to meet in person? 

Hey there...

I'd love to get together with you next week. Your Meetup group sounds interesting...Let me know when we can get together...

Other ladies who requested to join simply didn't respond to said follow-up message.

Conclusion: Once they received more details about the group, they weren't interested in joining afterall. Great! No waste of my time OR theirs.

When I let "woman" know I wasn't conducting any one-on-ones, as I have to be very mindful of MY time, here's what she came back with:

Well, what I wanted to meet about is a way for you to make so [sic] more income through this group and your coaching.  So just let me know if you are ever interested.  I haven't been interviewed since I was 19 (:  

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

At no point in said follow-up message did I say I wanted unsolicited feedback on how to make more money from the group or my coaching. Did she include the smiley to downplay the fact she was offended at the thought of going through a phone interview? How else do you interpret, "I haven't been interviewed since I was 19".

Listen...I could go on and on and on as to why I feel her response was flat out uncalled for and self-serving. I mean really. But I'm not.

Am I totally out of line for thinking she wasn't interested in joining the group in the first place, but only wanted to sit down and get the scoop on what I'm doing? Considering the fact that we know each other, should I have been more flexible and had the one-on-one?

Please, please help me out with this one. I know what I'm thinking...what do you think?

Photo credit:  Joe Shlabotnik



Email Confession: Our Money Challenges

I want to send you my sincerest thanks for your support in response to my wake-up call post.

Not only did I get connected with a best-selling author and a business attorney, but I also received emails from other women who could relate to my situation in some shape, form or fashion.

The more we own our truth, the more empowered we become.

I've decided to start sharing these stories here - anonymously.

If  there's a lesson to be learned, I'll share that too. Here goes:

 "Just read your article....

 us and our money challenges.

my issue is my parents never taught me how to manage it and i am suffering greatly. when (significant other) managed my accounts it was awesome - paid my bills on time, had some in IRA, some in savings, some in CD's, a little for fun. But when I stopped working and went to start my business that is when I really needed him but he said no, I needed to do it myself. I look and while i didn't have tons of money pass through my hands, I had enough to make something happen. Now 5 years later my contact lady in the government retired (actually the 2 main ones I worked with) and I did not get my contract renewed. So I am literally reminded everyday of how everything comes from nothing. I have 'survived' for 3 months without money, actually bringing myself to hustle small gigs here and there to build up the money a little at a time. it gets depleted by the end of the month on bills but I feel happy i am moving past my money fears. I use to hate going out to ask for money or negotiate contracts. i could never close them. but since i have been in (new region)  i have been doing pretty good. i think it is a psychological thing with (significant other) telling me i am not an entrepreneur, i am artist. he says i don't make money i make cool things. anyway, i am reading and learning and will see if i can find some suze orman segments on you tube.

At last glance, my paypal and checking accounts are looking kind of light this month as well and after next week when my march bills come out on autopay will be pretty much depleted :-P

I moved the last of my savings over last week, leaving the minimal amount to keep my account open. I canceled a lot of my recurring services, domains I don't need etc. I need to restructure my day. I spend 4 hours a week on Social networks, which is not bad but I need to be more focused with my time there. Following Chris Brogan's advice with one screen open and nothing happening in the background. I spend 4 hours a day on email (trying not to send too many messages in this length....which you are the exception). But most are rants and have resulted in only a very small return on my efforts (for as much time as I put there). I think I need to move more to the face to face realm and I also need to write more and actually put my content out there. I actually have produced more content, I just never put it out at a regular time. The other thing I fail to do is send out MORE press releases and engage the media. I have been speaking here, hosting workshops etc. But I need to build a list of the people who have been writing about me and build a more targeted list for business writers. Maybe you and I can make that our project. I will give up an hour of my email time to build a media list. And aside from press releases we should be sending them articles so that we can get published in larger print publications. We need more visibility to a larger targeted audience in our respective demographics. Few people in the (old region) know what I am doing but they should!"

MY TWO CENTS:
 

• Diversify - just as you diversify your investment portfolio, the same goes for your business. In one of the many business books I have, I read somewhere that a speaker bragged about how much money he made with one client who consistently hired him..I think it was IBM. When they had cutbacks, guess what? His primary source of income dried up and he eventually lost the contract. In today's economy and job market, employees need to adopt an entrepreneur mindset. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Find a way to make some money on the side - BEFORE you need it.

• Your Money is Your Responsibility - while having a significant other (or someone else) in your corner who feels that taking control of your finances is doing you a favor, it's not. It's doing the exact opposite. You'll never learn the value of it unless you're the one building/developing the relationship with it. Get intimate with your money - embrace it, communicate with it openly and honestly - just like you do your significant other.

• Time is a Precious Resource - treat it as such. Stay put...I'll be ranting about this shortly. Do you find yourself spending more time on email than you'd like? READ THIS.

Go ahead...add your two cents below.


Photo: Barbara Bedoni

Suze Orman-Octomom Smackdown: My Wake-up Call

 As I watched Suze Orman's financial intervention with Nadya Suleman on Oprah (unbeknownst to me it was a rerun from January of this year), I was expecting Suze to dissect her finances line-by-line, penny-by-penny and give action steps to control her spending and increase her savings. The kind of advice Suze gives her viewers every Saturday night at 8pm CST on CNBC.

Candid Confession: while most folks are out on the weekends enjoying a night on the town or cuddled up watching movies, you can find me alone in my bedroom - having an intimate experience with The Suze Orman Show. I used to text my sisters and friends to remind them to watch, but after getting no response at all or, "You watch and tell me what she says!", I stopped.

 Much to my surprise, Suze's infamous Octomom smackdown turned out to be a much-needed reality check for me, The Unemployed Entrepreneur®.

Suze ordered Nadya to do four things: fire the nannies, have a garage sale, get an agent, and pray. In all my years of being an Orman fan, I don't think I've ever heard her tell anyone that only God could help them through their financial crisis.

 As Nadya fidgeted, rambled, evaded questions, and burst into that awful nervous laugh of hers, I listened carefully to what she was saying, as well as to what she wasn't saying (one of the many abilities Suze and I have in common).

 NADYA & DONNA - MORE ALIKE THAN DIFFERENT

On the surface, you probably wouldn't draw many parallels between Nadya and me. She has 14 kids and used in vitro, I had two the old-fashioned way - the stork dropped em off. She's been paid to appear in tabloids, was interviewed by Dr. Phil, and creates a paparazzi firestorm. I couldn't pay a magazine to put me on the cover, have never been courted by the tv doc, and the only person frantically trying to capture me on camera is The Girl.

Yet and still, the similarities we share are frightening and had I not been watching with the intent of learning something, I would've totally missed them. But what valuable life-lessons could this highly criticized and controversial mother impart on me?

After witnessing Nadya's meltdown, I had no choice but to "woman up" and face my own truth:

DESTITUTE - this is what lead Nadya to write the emotional letter and plea for help to Oprah. She had $300 to her name and no source of income. A reluctant glance at my own checking and  PayPal accounts rendered a total of $109.12. Damn. Despite having 14 mouths to feed, Octomom is more "well-off" than I am. How the hell could this be? I have a few speaking engagements lined up, I just launched a new coaching program, and I co-host a radio show. Numbers don't lie, but this isn't adding up.

PRIDE -  this keeps Nadya from asking people for help. If she put herself into a predicament, she feels it's her responsibility to get herself out. I've been without a salary since the summer of 2008. I exhausted my unemployment benefits in May 2009. During that time, I've reached out for help twice. I borrowed $700 from my uncle. I've yet to settle that debt. I asked another relative for $40 and after getting it, I learned they'd sent me their last. I returned the unopened envelope back to sender. My sisters know I have to be on my last leg to ask for anything, so when I needed my car fixed she offered to pay and I accepted - making it clear that one day I'd pay her back. I just couldn't tell her exactly when that day would be.

EXPLOITATION - was the reason Nadya turned down offers to do reality tv. She didn't want to exploit her children. As a mother, I can certainly relate to that. I watch reality shows and at times it looks like the "reality" is scripted, embellished, and full of sensationalism. When you sign on the dotted line do you automatically forfeit all rights to be depicted accurately?  In exchange for five-figures an episode do producers get free reign to cast you in the image that will garner the highest ratings? My half-dozen loyal fans tell me all the time I should write a book and have my own tv show, but doing so at the expense of sacrificing my integrity or selling my soul isn't an option. I want longevity and to be taken seriously. I don't think playing into such stereotypes as the backstabbing-angry-black-woman-living-beyond-my-means will bring either. Just as Suze told Nadya there was a respectful way to do it and make money, the same applies to me.

AGENT - is who Suze told Nadya to seek out and hire asap. She had to do something to feed the kids, whether she wanted to exploit them or not. Nadya complied and connected with a literary agent. Here's where I'm swallowing every bit of my pride and asking for your help. If you know an agent please share this with them! If you know somebody who knows somobody who knows an agent - share this with them! Suze agreed to work with Nadya after initially having said she wouldn't. Why? Because she feels everyone deserves a chance - a break. I'm no different.

JUDGING -  is what some of you have been doing the whole time you've been reading this. I've been judged my entire my life and I must admit, I've been guilty of judging others as well. When will we stop? When will we say enough with the finger pointing and start to look at our own individual situations and circumstances which are far from perfect? When will you have the courage to own your own truth and realize the person sitting next to you, with all their faults and flaws, is more like you than you dare admit? Because I'm confident in who I am and the person I'm becoming, I give myself permission to celebrate my strengths without seeking approval from anyone else. I will relish in them while everyone else dwells on my weaknesses.

PRAYER - is what brought about major changes in Nadya's life. I haven't jumped in the car barefoot like she did to drive to church and talk to a pastor, but believe me, I am. Even with knowing how powerful prayer can be, the fact remains that I must commit to continuing to do the work. Creating opportunities and embracing the journey. Relentless faith combined with relentless action will take me to new heights - bringing with it a greater level of responsibility as I ascend.

Photo: oprah.com

Truth: Self-Explanatory

This one speaks volumes and is TRULY worth a thousand words...literally.

Photo credit: Brothersoft

Are You Ready?

A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of appearing on my local NBC morning news with Thomas Gohring, owner of Kick Butt Coffee. It was my very first live tv interview and I was nervous as hell. In case you didn't know, there are no do-overs on live tv.

The interview was booked in early February, so I had plenty of time to work on my talking points for the three minute segment. I started going through all of the media stuff I've hoarded from teleseminars and workshops and spent some time on Melissa Cassera's blog. I only had one chance to get this right and I'll be damned if I was gonna blow it.

TWO-YEAR OLD SOUNDBITE

In 2008, I listened to a Blog Talk Radio show hosted by Monique Caradine. During that show she talked about the importance of speaking in soundbites and actually walked the listeners through creating one right there on the spot.

That soundbite has been posted on a magnetic board in my office since that day. It's right next to a couple of fortune cookie fortunes and my voting receipt from the presidential election that made history.

You see, when I was listening to Monique's show and taking notes, I didn't have the exact specifics of what I was preparing for - I just knew I was preparing for something. I was focusing on the why - not the how.

Why was I crafting a soundbite? Because I knew at some point I would need it. Somewhere down the road  a live tv interview opportunity would present itself. When it happened, I had to be ready.

How and when would it take place? I had no clue. My energy has and always will remain on the why.

NO EXPIRATION DATE

Staying on top of your game doesn't expire. It's an ongoing process. Are you preparing for short-term gratification or long-term success? There's a difference. A huge one. If what you're doing today isn't in some way getting you ready for what's to come, you better rethink your plan.

Always be ready. Prepare for the unexpected. Sieze the moment.






Photo credit: whitneyhoward2011

Today's Video: Desire and Discipline Are Not the Same

This video was totally spontaneous. It stemmed from a comment my Facebook friend, Laurie, left me. I grabbed my Flip and here's the end result:



 If you can't see the video CLICK HERE.

A while back, I wrote a guest blog post for Libra Fitness Austin that talks about this more in depth.

I'd love to hear your thoughts, so please share in the comments below.