The Dark Side of Online Friendships

There's something I've been wanting to share with you for a while now. I was waiting for the right time and decided the whole Facebook friend issue was a good segue. 

I've talked alot about the wonderful relationships I've developed as a result of the online connections I've made. What I haven't talked about are the ones I believed to be genuine and it turned out they were anything but. 

SITUATION #1:

A blogger and I connected on twitter last year and started reading/commenting/sharing each other's posts. She was very vocal about a particular stand she took when it came to mommy blogging and I shared some of the same views. Over time, it seemed like her tweets became more aggressive and self-centered. She was constantly retweeting the praise and recognition she was getting from others. 

Here's what I know about social media: you can use it however you choose, but I don't have to be subjected to it. It's that simple. That's what the unfollow button is for. So that's what I did. I unfollowed her. It had nothing to do with what I thought about her as a person, and everything to do with what I want coming across my timeline. Before I had a chance to explain to her why I had unfollowed, she'd gone over to Facebook and unfriended me. Ok great. Now I know all of the inbox messages we exchanged and the sentiment she shared when commenting on my blog posts should have been taken at face value. 

Here's where I'll also hold myself accountable. I shouldn't have been so naive in the first place. Lesson learned. 

SITUATION #2:

Another blogger and I began our online relationship back in 2008. In 2011 we became closer. I'm not sure how it happened, but we ended up exchanging phone numbers which led to daily text messages and a phone call at least a couple of times per month. I. Was. Thrilled! I'd finally found someone who had the same long-term blogging goals as myself. We bounced ideas off of each other, talked about her coming to Texas for a small blogging event I wanted to have, and ended up sharing very personal details about our private lives. Yes...more than what I already tell you here on my blog. 

And get this. I had told this person about Situation #1 and we both agreed if we ever had any issues with each other - perceived or otherwise - we'd talk about it. Well guess what? That didn't happen. I noticed she wasn't responding to my texts (when in the past, if she was busy she'd tell me...proactively, I might add) and the blog engagement stopped. I called twice and left voicemail messages asking what was wrong and never got a return phone call. 

I was really hurt. This wasn't anything like Situation #1. I walked away from that one and never thought twice about it. But person #2 and I had talked about this very thing and how we were actually friends and how friends don't treat each other that way. To this day - I've been trying to figure out what I did wrong. What did I say or do to offend her? It obviously had to be my fault. 

*By now, I'm sure you're thinking bloggers are extremely dysfunctional. My response to that: we're human. 

SITUATION #3:

This person is the one I've 'known' the shortest amount of time. She's an entrepreneur with a specific focus, but she goes outside of her niche to connect with other people. That was the thing I liked about her. She didn't stay inside her box of industry professionals. 

She sent an email telling me she was coming to town and extended an invitation to meet in person. You know I was all over that opportunity! Well, when it came time for her to be here, I followed up so we could finalize the details. Not a single response. 

You've got to be kidding me. What the hell is my problem?!

I waited a couple of weeks and sent her a note. And in that note, I told her if I'd done anything to upset her to please let me know. 

Can somebody let me know where I'm screwing up so I can fix it please?!

Well much to my surprise, I got a response back with an apology. It turns out she'd been experiencing a multitude of personal issues and her way of dealing with things was to shut down. Ohh how I can relate to that. 

Each one of these situations has taught me something different. And I guess the main takeaway is that the person you've known the longest may not be the person who you have the strongest relationship with. Communication is a two-way street and no matter how much I hold myself accountable, I can't take all of the blame for what may have gone wrong. 

Online relationships can be deceiving. All you have is a person's written word. Their comments, updates, etc. When you look at that and measure it against their actions, they should be aligned. Just like in real life. 

I've got to be really careful how I use the word friend. It doesn't mean I can't initiate new connections, it just means I can't lose sight of what's real and what's not.